Restaurant reviews from a spoilt 9-year-old

One of the many reasons I love McSweeney's:

Mom said that all the women in her book club already went to the restaurant, but I didn’t know why that meant we had to go to the restaurant too. And I don’t know why Mom is even in the book club because she doesn’t read any of the books and, on the nights before the book club meetings at our house, she says “Fuck” a lot and asks me to look on Wikipedia. Then I have to read the plot synopsis and major characters to her while she vacuums, which is hard because the vacuum is really loud and I have to follow her around the house holding my computer and reading.