I Want to Make Love to You Like in the Movies
From McSweeney's:
"That’s right, girl. I want to serve you that good-ass Billy Crystal dick. That sweet, tender lovin’ that’ll make you feel like Meg Ryan from 1989 or 1995, depending on which era of Meg Ryan you relate to more. I want to tear that up after a long and dramatic courtship where I slowly gain your trust, but lose it at the worst possible moment by revealing our relationship was part of a bet or that I have destroyed your small independent business. "